11-29-02

So, I'm a class A screw-up, but she still digs me, and right now, that's all that's important to me. It really scares me, just nothing else seems important right now. Seeing her for three days straight has been a lil slice of heaven.
We caught the new Bond movie Wednesday night, and its pretty good. I loved the references to the bonds of past, and I dug the car, but it seemed to take all pretenses of being realistic and throw them right out the window. It was ok, but I think seeing it once will be enough for me. Although on the cool side, I did run into both Rocky and Nick at the theater. Hope y'all enjoyed your Thanksgiving, I sure did. My dad is a fucking amazing cook, and so is Kathrin's mom. Ironically enough, I had a more "traditional" Thankgiving menu at the house of the family from Switzerland than I did at home. Heh, who'd have thunk it.
Yeah, being happy is totally ruining all my inspiration for the site, I feel like I have nothing to talk about. I sit down to write, and all I can think about is the time I've spent with Kat, and how happy it makes me, and I realize that its not very interesting reading, plus it leaves me without anything serious to say.
*shrugs
I don't care... I'm happy.

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11-27-02

I told her I loved her. Holy shit.

11-24-02

Do I look like a cat to you, boy?
Am I jumping around all nimbly-bimbly?
Ahh, Super Troopers is such a great movie. If you have never seen it, SEE IT. I had my first day off from EVERYTHIGN today. My god it was nice. I watched some football, cleaned my car, did not a whole lot else. It was great, exactly what I needed. On the down side, it leaves me with not a whole lot to talk about. I'm gonna go finish watching super troopers, y'all have fun.

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11-23-02

Yeah, I've been busy. Been sick, been working the past three nights, and had tons of homework. But now its Thanksgiving break. Break.... what a load of crap. My professors have tests in my two hardest classes the week I come back, plus a shitload of homework over break. Not only that, but I'm committed to spending pretty much all of Wednesday and Thursday with Kat, prolly work Fri, sat, sun, and at some point I want to see my friend Sharon when she comes into town. I hate being sick, I just have no desire to do anything except sleep. I'm a lot better now, but not great, that's probably why I'm not going out tonight, even though I had a couple options. Aaron T wanted me to come drink with him and a couple of his friends, and it just didnt really appeal to me, plus this table of college girls wanted me to give them a call tonight, and somehow I doubt Kathrin would be overly pleased if I did that. It just still amazes me sometimes the numbers that I get. I mean, earlier this week I had one of the waitresses come up to me and tell me her table asked for a picture of me. Heh. I really should start studying.
Right, so I typed all of that an hour ago, and Kat IM'ed me, and I totally stopped caring about writing the update. I am giddy about seeing her for multiple days over the break. Yes, GIDDY. I don't even really care about the Rejects show, I just want to see her. Ah damn, I'm not going to be able to concentrate on anything for quite a while. Anyway, on a lighter note, check out my friend Elliott's new Picture of the whenever he feels like it site. Its pretty funny. Go, live life, have fun.

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11-19-02

I might not lost my scholarship to TU anyway. Heh. Fuck it, I'm still doing TCC next semester so I can save money. Btw, Erik, thanks for reading and laughing at me. Just thought I'd throw out that little shout-out. So, I stumbled across this guy's blog. I have no real clue who he is, except that he's a comic in New York. I find it pretty damn funny reading. I'm actually kind of jealous, he's a pretty funny fucker. Check it out if you enjoy reading about the lives of people who you don't know, which I guess would be all of us. I updated the author page a bit last night, I doubt you'll really notice with the exception of a new pic. Speaking of, I'm gonna put one last pic up, just thought it was cute. Here you go, and I'm off to work.



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11-18-02

Gotta write a philosophy paper, but thought I'd put a couple pics up here. I didn't actually get a pic of myself in the raver shades, BUT I did get one of Kat in them, I thought it was pretty cool.

Lets see, Kat picking apart the design of my bed:

And the requisite couple pic:


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11-17-02

Wow. Where to begin. I guess I'll start with...
the camera. and the girl.
I got lazy, and realized I would probably get bored with a digital camera pretty quick, so I bought a one-time use camera with a flash for $7 at Wal-Mart. When I get the pictures developed I'll have them put them on CD, saves me the trouble of scanning them all in. So, essentially, 27 digital pictures for $7 + developing. W00t. And yes, we used the entire roll this weekend. I'm going to try and get them developed tomorrow, and mebbe put a few pics up here, we'll see. This weekend was like a time warp. Its gone already, and Kathrin has gone home already. This sucks. I mean, I'm insanely happy, but I REALLY didn't want her to leave. I can't believe two days flew by just like I blinked. I'm really falling hard for this girl. I mean, I thought I'd already fallen, but its getting worse. I have no clue what to do with myself. We went to church. Let me repeat that...we went to church. I used to be a lot more hardcore, I swear. But yeah, we went to church, and it was actually kind of cool, and I got a sick laugh out of it. Tell me if I'm the only one who found it a little bit WRONG that we sang a song called "He Touched Me." Heh, at least it wasn't a Catholic church. Yeah, I can't stop thinking about her. I keep thinking about all these things I COULD do the update about, and there is honestly only one thing I want to talk about. Ok, yeah, focus. Do the update, try not to think about the girl... I can do this.... right?
Bands.
Listen to Audioslave. I really dig it. Plus their website has their video for "Cochise" streaming. Also thanks to Tyler for hooking me up with the new System of a Down CD, I'm going to listen to it later, if I ever get tired of Audioslave. The All-American Rejects are playing in OKC on the 26th. Their website says they are playing here. They weren't listed earlier, but they are now, so, YAY! Anyway, I mention it because I think their album is pretty tight, even though its quite a departure from the kind of music I usually listen to. I know I've plugged them before, but going to see them here in a week deserves extra pluggage. The singer of Filter finally got out of rehab, now GO BACK ON TOUR, dammit. I really want to see them, they were supposed to play OKC the 20th, but he had a drug thing. So, I maxed out my ten gig portable mp3 player. I've been going through it trying to delete the stuff I think I won't listen to, and I'm actually having a bit of difficulty. There is a LOT of good music out there, and I've got a chunk of it. I have at least two gigs that won't fit. Heh.
The girl (again)
Yeah, I said I wouldn't talk about her more, but I don't care, I can't stop thinking about her. She makes me very happy. In church today, they asked us if there was anything in the world you could have, think about what it would be. Anything at all that you want to possess, anything you want to change. So, I thought about it, and honestly, I knew the answer before they even finished the question. I'm doing ok in school, and its going to get better, so I don't really want a change there. I'm ok at Zios, I make decent enough money, its a mean to an end. The only thing I really WANT? I want to be able to see Kat more. Thats IT. This blew my mind. Want to know the fucked up thing? She told me she'd thought essentially the same thing. She really amazed me this weekend. How many girls do you know who will write "l33t" upside down on the table during lunch? Hell, how many girls even KNOW what l33t means? I swear, I get around her, and its like nothing else matters, its like I can't THINK, and I don't even have any desire to.
School
One more week of school, then a week off for Thanksgiving. Then one more week of classes, then a few dead says, and a week of finals. Then that's it for TU, a month and two days from today I take my last final and walk away from the school I spent 3 semesters at. In about two months I'll be at TCC. I'm amazed, because I remember the group of us that started at TU a year ago. There were six of us, essentially, in our group of friends. Myself, Erik and his friend James, Adam, JP, and Jerry. James didn't make it through the first semester, Adam didn't make it through the second, JP and I aren't making it past our third, and I have no clue what happened to Jerry, I think he transferred schools. All of us were CS or CIS majors, and Erik is the only one left. WOW. I suppose I could stay at TU, I just don't want to have to do it on loans, and I think that JP feels the same way. Plus the fact that I'm absolutely certain I'll enjoy OU more. I think I have more friends at OU than I do at TU, which is really pretty scary. I'll get to live in the dorms, and everyone that knows me has known I've wanted to move out since I ended high school. Its not bad here at home, not bad at all, I have a great room, and my dad is an awesome cook, I just crave independence, and a place to call my own. I also will be better off financially. I feel very secure in the fact that I'm making the right decision here.
Random linkage
Anyone with a high speed connection should check this out. Its short movies made by BMW (yes, the car company) that are very cool, with Hollywood talent. John Woo directed one, and Don Cheadle starred in another. They're very interesting for under ten minutes, as long you are willing to look at the car repeatedly, which you should be, cause its purty. The dark side switch campaign. Yes, I stole that link from Fark, but its really damn funny, its Anakin talking about why he switched to the dark side in the spirit of the Mac commercials. Speaking of the Mac commercials, you should also check this out. Its also a parody of the apple switch commercials, but its done by a gaming site. It had me ROLLING. Go to that link and then just "save target as" for one of the links to the video. Thanks to SmallChange for the link to the site. One last linkage, a pretty funny site. You know how everyone has those shirts and signs with Japanese text on them and we have no idea what they mean? Yeah, well, in Japan they have those, but in English. Bad english. Wanna see?
Jerry's final thoughts. Er..... Zach's final thoughts.
Yeah, I wrote a shitload, its taken me like an hour to put this update together. Boy, I rule at wasting time. Hopefully you've enjoyed me baring my soul and imparting some links. Rest assured though, I'm still thinking about the girl as much as I was an hour ago. As much as I'm sure I will be tomorrow. And until I see her again. Yeah. :D

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11-16-02

Pie with Becca. Its becoming somewhat tradition to head up to Village Inn for a slice of pie after closing thursday nights. I've got to confess that I really enjoy talking to her, and it was rather amusing to have her tell me that she could "see how much you care about Kathrin." I like people I can't pretend around, they keep me from doing stupid shit.

So what else has Zach been up to, you ask? Good question! Welllll.... Zach has gotten his hands on the entire new Audioslave album. For those of you who don't know, Audioslave is Rage Against The Machine without Zack De La Rocha and with Chris Cornell (from Soundgarden) singing. Now, don't get me wrong, listening to this album makes me really miss Zack, cause he was just perfect for Tom Morello's guitars, but this album is fucking awesome. Its all really damn good, so its hard for me to pick out standout songs. Mebbe "shadow on the sun." That one I really dig, even though its arguably "soft." Yeah, its tight. It actually comes out on Tuesday, and I'll be at best buy tuesday afternoon to pick it up. I'm not sure WHY I'm buying it, Chris and Rage are both surely millionaires many times over, but I just really enjoy the CD, and respect the people behind the music. Tom's guitar's are still wailing and unique, and Chris Cornell has a vocal range thats just AMAZING. At least give it a listen, that's all I ask.
Buffy. Yeah, I still watch Buffy, and really enjoy it. Caught this weeks episode yesterday afternoon, and also really enjoyed it. Its the only TV show I actually try to watch anymore. I've kind of lost any desire to watch TV, and that really surprises me. I guess I just really don't find that much very interesting anymore. But everytime I watch an episode of Buffy, I immediately want to watch another one. That's my definition of good.
Kathrin is coming into town later today. I miss her, a lot. It always is the worst near the end of the week. I'm going to break out my camera, try and take a few pictures this weekend. May put some up here, I'm not sure. I'd still like to get a pic of the raver shades, and it would be really cool to replace the pic of Brandi and myself on the author page with one of Kat and myself. Hmm... I'm going to go look for my camera... brb

Ok, I just spent a while rummaging through my stuff, looking for my camera, and I found it, and it has no flash, and as it turns out, it was loaded. I found this out when I opened the back to put film in. So, not only did I not find a "good" camera, or film, but I ruined the film currently IN the camera from god knows how long ago. Screw it, I'm going to Wal-mart, I need a bunch of stuff, and I'm going to look at cameras. Mebbe I'll update more later, I dunno. Chances are I'll be fairly busy this weekend.

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11-13-02

Fuck em.
After the past two days events, and a "Lovely" email Brad sent my way, I'd just like to say "fuck em." I had a lot more written that that, but it seems entirely too petty. I'm better off now than I was then, and I don't think that's coincidence. I'm in far better physical shape, I have far better grades, and I have a girlfriend that I care about a lot, who I get to see this weekend (w00t). Oh, I'm not going to pretend that it didn't bother me, the email bothered me the majority of the day, but it doesn't anymore, and prolly won't ever again. That chapter of my life is closed, and fuck anyone who can't be mature about it.

Had some great chinese food tonight. Panda Express, in Jenks. Its pretty low-budget stuff, and their kid is always running the register, but its damn good food. I mean, for $5 you get a full dish plus a side of sweet and sour chicken. How cool is that? But yeah, that poor kid. I've been going there for years, and I have NEVER not seen that kid manning the cash register. I think he's the only one in there who speaks fluent english. Lol, he's like maybe ten years old, if not younger. I can just see a child labor van pulling up, screeching its brakes, and some guy dressed in all black jumps out, grabs the kid, throws him in the van, and then takes off, tires squeeling. Then the mom comes outside cussing at them in chinese and throwing eggrolls at the van. Yeah, prolly not. I swear I'm not racist, just the visual of that I found extremely funny. But yeah, good food!

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11-12-02

Fuck today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, and the weekend will definately be better. Oh, yeah, I was right, it was Brad who put that on Nick's site (see my earlier post), and Erik immediately jumped up to post that he agreed with him. Its very comforting to know that the people I considered my friends have deep issues against me. Good to know.

I'm going to operate on assumption here, and guess that the person who posted the following:
Guy>: I'm posting so that Zach's name will go off the screen. Just something about it. Not really it but the person behind the name.
Guy>: grr... it's till there. Where is a AWP when you need on? huh? please somebody pass me the AWP
on Nick's webpage is Brad, considering his post under the name "Batman" is still in my forums declaring that he has "issues" with my site. So, this is my open discussion toward you, "My friend." Heh, my friend. That's quite ironic, considering I called you that until the beginning of this summer and meant it. And then you "dropped" me. I just wasn't part of the group that I put together anymore. Not ONE of you made any effort to even let me know that this happened. Then, you went in for surgery late this summer, and I forgot everything that happened, and called you "friend" again. And then you lashed out at me in your AIM profile, and when I asked you why, you told me I was just too annoying, and I wasn't your friend. I haven't even SPOKEN to you in months, and now you continue to lash out, and I don't know why. Was it me coming to see you in the hospital and bringing you CD's? Was it the fact you came over to my house to play pool with me and the rest of the guys at LEAST once a week? Is it the fact that everytime you play gamecube, you're doing so on a system that I own 2/5ths of, and haven't SEEN since May? Was it me TRUSTING YOU? Was it me calling you "FRIEND"? Yeah, I can see how that would offend you. See, lets even assume that I annoyed you in some way. That happens, sometimes two people just don't get along. But how exactly does me posting on a mutual friend's website, THANKING HIM for a link to my site, offend you? Fuck you.

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11-10-02

Okay, who here remembers when I gave that nice long meaningless rant on what happiness is? Well, ignore it. I'm going to tell you what happiness REALLY is:
Happiness is holding a girl you care about in your arms.

That's it. Its that simple. Or at least that's what I'm convinced of. I defy any of you to prove me wrong.

It gets harder to say goodbye every time.

Yeah, apparently I need to try and teach Kathrin to pick up on sublety, I was hoping she'd read the blog and invite me down, but I had to ask her if she needed a study break. But, anyway, she said yes, and then invited me dowm, which made me very happy. I talked to her over the internet and I can STILL feel my cheeks burning. How on earth does she do that to me?

Anyway, I'm sitting here waiting for a phone call from some Zios peeps to go hang out, and the damndest thing just happened. David, a friend from work, and a genuinely good kid, just read the thing about my sister and offered to try and talk to her/take her out. I'm just genuinely impressed with this, he's willing to step up and try and help someone he's never met. Now we just need to come up with what he could say/do to her, and anyone with any ideas should email me here. He also hooked me up with this really tight plugin type thing for winamp called Ozone, which replaces the current equalizer with something FAR better. He even sent me the keygen, how cool is that? Ahhh... nothing like a little piracy among friends. Hmm... mebbe I shouldn't be bragging about piracy on the internet... oh, wait, what else is the internet for? Ok, everyone needs to check this out. I just watched it and thought it was funny as hell, I stole the link from Fark, but check it out. I was also given this link by Robert. Its a link to a "realistic internet simulator." Make of that what you will, but I assure you its not offensive, for my ORU readers.
Korn has a live DVD coming out November 19th. OH HELL YEAH. I've seen Korn live twice, and they are arguably the band that has had the most influence on me growing up. POD also has a DVD coming out soon. I'm torn, cause I have limited funds, and two posters of bands up in my room, one of Korn, and one of POD. I've seen POD live three times, and Korn twice, and I own all four of POD's cd's, and all five of Korn's (LEGALLY!). I'm sure I'll buy them both, even though I totally shouldn't. But, YEAH! I'm very excited about that.
I also called Cindy last night. I've been thinking about her and that chapter of my life a lot recently. A little over a year ago I called Cindy "mom" and she thought of me as one of her kids. I was good friends with her son, and I worked for her and her daughter at Uno's. Uno's was my first job ever, and I worked there from basically the day I got my driver's license until the summer after my senior year. Loved Cindy and her daughter(Adrienne) both to death, and when Cindy was fired for a bullshit reason, I quit on the spot. That's why I work at Zios now. But yeah, we've sort of lost contact over the past year or so, and it was really really good to hear her voice last night. I just feel really bad, cause she's got things pretty tough right now. I'm powerless to help, plus even if I could, she's proud enough that I'm sure she wouldn't accept it. But yeah, hopefully I don't lose touch with her again. I gave Adrienne the address for this site, although I doubt she has read it. I'm not sure I realized how much they still meant to me.

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11-09-02

So, I'm trying to decide what to do. Kat has to stay in Norman and study this weekend, which totally fuxors my plans for Sunday, but its cool, I understand. She's actually willing to do her schoolwork, which I've been told is a good thing. But yeah, I really want to see her, and I'm trying to decide if it would be all pathetic to offer myself as a study break either late night Saturday or sometime Sunday for a couple hours. It would be totally worth the drive just to see her, but I dunno if she really needs to study all day.

Anyway, as it turns out, I'm not flunking any of my classes, which makes Zach happy. I was concerned about Calc 3, but I made an 86 on the last test, and I'm damn proud of myself. Plus, the assembler test that I KNOW I bombed, as it turns out its only worth 20% of the grade in the class, which means I can bounce back, I just need to do WELL on the final. Yeah, I've been listening to a lot of random music recently. Broke out some Godsmack the other day, both albums, and it was quite enjoyable. Formulaic, but good driving music, heavy and fast. Also broke out some Blink 182, and liked it a lot. I've really enjoyed this song called What Went Wrong. It was a recommendation from Matt, and its quite spiffy. Anthem Part Two is awesome too. I screwed up though, I thought the lyric was "If we're fucked up, you're too bland." But, as it turns out, it was "You're to blame." Oops. Even had it in my AIM profile. Meh, just another stupid moment. But yeah, back on topic, go listen! Find some new music, and then give it to me, so I can pawn it off as my own. Also check out OK Go - Get over It. That one was a Kathrin recommendation, and its awesome too. Queens of The Stone Age- No One Knows. Brunno (other Zach) recommended that one, and I dig it too. Lots of cool music at the moment. Yeah, I guess I don't have anything else to say tonight, I'll end it now.

Oh, yes I do. Hey Brad- when you sign my forums saying you have issues with my site- at least use your real name.

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11-07-02

Yeah, so, JP is sick. This sucks, cause JP is my boy. Errr... he used to be. I dunno if he wants to be called my boy anymore, but I have no animosity toward the guy. (Long story, I'll tell it some other day.) But anyway, I hope he's alright. JP, if you're reading this man, hope you feel better.
I also finally linked to Nick's site under the The Author page. I thought I had him linked already, but I didn't, my apologies. Anyway, you should all check out his site, its pretty damn cool.
Anyway, I'm working on a "philosophy" section for the site. I'm taking some of my older rants on specific topics, cleaning them up and collecting them under a new page. Its not done yet, and I kind want to save it until I'm done with it, because I want to do it right. I'd eventually like to have a well explained and interesting collection of my personal philosophy here, moving this page from beyond my simple bitching and into... get this.... are you sure you're ready for this?.... Actual content. Wow, scary thought, eh? Anyway, on the whole major topic I posted earlier tonight- I'm thinking MIS as a possible major, cause its both computer science and business, and OU doesn't offer any other major similar to CIS, that I can find. Ok, this is where I attempt to segway into my other topic of the night... My sister. I'm worried about her, cause I'm not sure she's under control. (smooth segway, eh?) I also wonder just how much of that is my fault. Where exactly does a big brother's responsibility lie? A little bit of background here, my sister is 14, and thinks she's black. Don't get me wrong, I love her TONS, but yeah, she's under the impression that she's black. That's not the bad part though, I could handle that one, but the fact that she is lucky she doesn't currently have a police record is what's bothering me. She's 14 and likes to regale me about the different alcohols she likes/dislikes. I didn't have my first drink until I was 16 or 17. So this really bothers me. The thing is, the cops called me last week cause she was found drunk in some apartment complex with a bunch of her friends. Technically she wasn't "Drunk" but she had been drinking, and the majority of her friends were SLOSHED. Plus the reason they called me was that she didnt bother to give the cops our home phone number, she gave them my cell phone number. So, yeah, I'm concerned, cause she's spiraling. She loves to do stupid things and craves attention, but she won't listen to me or let me close, at all. I mean, I know, deep down, if she fucks up seriously, its going to be my responsibility, I'm supposed to be some sort of a good influence on her, and I just really don't want her to fuck up. I don't want to see her get hurt. I know it sucks, we all were that age too, but as I remember it, we also knew what was stupid vs. what wasn't. She's also decided that she would rather go to alternative school... "its SOOOO cool." Uhhh... last time I checked wasn't alternative the ALTERNATIVE for people who couldn't handle normal high school? I guess its totally unfair to try and look at her like I do myself, since we share none of the same genetics. Yeah, but I need to do SOMETHING. How do I step in? What can I say? Will she listen? I try to just talk to her, and tell her if she does something I don't agree with, but she never listens to me. She's so sure she's right, and I'm just stupid. I guess we all have to learn things on our own. I know I would rather screw up on my own than ever listen to my parents, but I can't really relate to having an older sibling give me advice. My only other sister is 39, 20 years older than me, and so she's always been like another mother. Just one who yells at me less. Anyway, I wonder, would I listen if my sister gave me advice like I give my sister? Because it seems so common sense to me, don't do something that can get you or someone you care about hurt. I mean, I don't understand how that doesn't make sense in someone's head. But it doesn't make sense to her. Am I just too old? Too analytic? Mebbe, but I still need to DO something. Family is easily one of the most important things in the world. You can always make new friends, you don't get a new sister.

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11-06-02

So. Good/bad news, depending on your view of it. Good news for the long term, bad for the short term. OU told me they don't do extensions on the enrollment deadline. So, this means no OU next semester. I'm not pleased with this, cause I've wanted to get out of my house for almost two years now, and I'd like to be at an easier/cheaper school, and I'd like to be closer to some people I know. However, on the long term, this is probably a good thing, because I'll have until next fall to save up money and spend the spring improving my GPA at TCC. But yeah, I definately prefer the short term, but what can you do... So, its time for Zach to get his shit together. The clock is starting now, and I have about nine months. Here's the plan, in no particular order:

1. Save up at least 6 grand, to pay for the vast majority of OU. I know its not feasible to not work while I'm at school, because I have bills, Thankfully though, I won't work nearly as much as I am now. There is also the possibility of scholarships/grants, and loans. I know I need $1800 for car payments during that time, $400 for my cell, plus gas, food, supplies and "fun" money. I figure its a pretty safe bet that I'll need about $4000 to live on while I'm at school, to cover non school related bills, books, supplies, food beyond the meal plan, and any fun I want to have. Tuition for the year should be about $3000, plus about $5000 for room and board. So, about 12 grand to live for a year. This is totally doable. I can make some serious money in the coming months, I make better than $10 an hour waiting tables, and I can hopefully work full time for the next nine months. I want to actually have some free time while I'm at OU, as it is right now my social life consists of seeing one person one day a week. Heh.

2. Enter OU with a GPA of better than 3, hopefully about 3.25. I'm going to walk away from TU with a GPA of about 3, and I THINK with a 3.25 I can get back my state regents scholarship ($5500 a year). If not that one, then maybe some other scholarship will present itself, but yeah, I want a GPA of 3.25 if for no other reason than my own respect. I'm ashamed to tell people that I don't even have a 3.0 right now. So, I'm thinking I'll take 12 or 15 hours at TCC this coming semester. This should help my GPA, plus be far less time consuming than TU.

3. Find a major that interests me more than Computer Science. I really enjoy arguing, and I enjoy business. I also enjoy SOME of the coding we do in Computer Science, but the boring memorization sucks. I'm thinking very strongly about CIS, which is copmuter science with business instead of math. Hopefully OU has a simlar program.

4. Finish getting in shape. I started valiantly this summer, and dropped well over 30 pounds, almost 40 at one point. I want a flat stomach, and I want more upper body strength. I'm going to find the time to get in better shape, and eat better. I'm going to do it, as it is thats just one more thing I've started and haven't finished. This is something that's important to me, I really don't like being ashamed of my body, especially when I have the ability to fix it.

5. Attempt to rebuild some semblance of a social life. I haven't had the time to hang out with ANYONE recently. I get offers from people all the time, and I'm constantly shooting them down, cause I have stuff to do, perpetually. I'm noticing that they aren't asking me as much as they used to, cause I keep saying no, and I don't want that. Yeah, I want to have the time to just go hang out with friends, to have a "crew" again. I haven't had a "crew" of friends since the end of last semester. But, yeah, that's off topic. Right now I have a LOT of friends/acquaintances, just very very few people who I would consider myself "close" to.

6. Don't let Kathrin get away. This should probably be higher on the list, cause she makes me insanely happy.

I heard a phrase the other day... "lazy underachievers in high school are lazy underachievers in college." Hey! I wasn't a lazy underachiever in high school, JUST in college! Assholes. But yeah, it made me realize that I could have done better. The mess I'm in right now is of my own doing, and I'm not going to let it happen again. I'm the one who waited too long to apply to OU. I'm the one who couldn't cut it at TU. I'm the one who took too long to realize he didn't really enjoy what he was doing and where he was doing it. Oh, I'm not pissed at myself, at least not overly so, I have good excuses for all of this. I was looking too much to the future and not enough at the present, I didn't have enough time to do everything I wanted, and I just honestly didn't know WHEN the deadline was for OU. But yes, its time to fix this. I can do it. I WILL do it. Sit back and watch, you just might be surprised.

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11-05-02

Right. So. Who here wants to hear about the last twenty-four hours? Lets see, this time last night I was just about to go to sleep, cause I'd had a rough day, and not enough sleep the previous night. And Kat IM's me, and we started talking. And we kept talking. Until 2am. Four hours. We talked about everything. This girl knows more about me now than I think anyone alive. Shit I NEVER talk about. Stuff that would NEVER make this site. It amazed me, I totally opened up to her, and she did the same. I'm so scared of this girl, cause I'm so afraid she'll get tired of me before I get tired of her. Every relationship I've been in, every girl I've ever dated, I've kind of known it was short term, I could just kind of tell, I knew I would get bored with them at some point. But I know I'm totally not in control here, and its some scary stuff. Yeah, so, anyway, due to that I got about four hours of sleep, then had class from 8 to noon, then came home to check my email. Turns out I sent my email to the wrong part of OU, and they had forwarded it to the right part. They asked me to call them and try to talk to them about any possibility of a late admission. So, of course, I immediately call, cause I'd like to go to OU, cause I can't afford TU anymore. So, I call, and get this lady, and I tell what the situation is, and wait for her to tell me what to do. "Call back tomorrow, the director isn't in her office today." FUCK. So, I decide to go ahead and send in my application, it can't hurt. I print out a copy of the emails and put it with the application, and priority mail it to OU. Okay, so, by this time its almost two, so I run to the bank and then to Zios for this meeting on our new wine lists. I'm expecting some stupid meeting on how to sell and describe the wines. I get it, but then I get surprised... they open up about five bottles of wine per table (there were about ten of us per table). They ask us to try them all, pour us drinks out of all of them. I tried about 10 different wines today, and not very many of them were any good. But yeah, I have a very low alcohol tolerance, and I estimate I had SEVERAL glasses of wine, on a completely empty stomach. So, I bail out of there about four, and grab some food, and come home. It starts hitting me. About 4:30 this afternoon I was buzzed all to hell. So, I iron my shirt and head back into work, still feeling pretty good. About half the servers working tonight were at the meeting, so they were feeling pretty good too. It was a rather interesting night, with about half of Zios drunk on the clock. Not only that, but corporate mandated drunkenness! W00t, I guess. I wasn't near as trashed as a lot of the people there, it was damn funny to watch, but yeah, I was feeling pretty good for an hour or two. Too bad I didn't make any money tonight. Yeah. Wow. I seriously need to have some just plain normal days.

What an interesting couple of days. Lets see- I dropped OU"s prospective student services an email last night, asking if they would accept a late admission, and they haven't replied back, which I think sucks. I'm going to go ahead and send in the application, and if I'm denied or too late, I guess I'll just do TCC next semester and save up money. Oh well, I'll work it out. Yeah, drop something in the forums, they're slow and could use some activity, and I'm going to leave you with the thought thats been on my mind all day: Kathrin is the coolest girl ever.

Agree? Disagree? Hit up the forums.

11-03-02

Study break. I SHOULD be studying, but I have the worst work ethic ever. So, yeah, I found out today I can't go to OU in the spring, they had to have the application by Friday, November 1st, even for transfer students. OVER TWO MONTHS BEFORE SCHOOL BEGINS! WTF! So, this means either I find a way to pay for TU next semester or I don't go to school at all, which would be bad, cause that would drop me below full-time student, so I would lose the ability to be on my parents insurance, and my student loans would require repayment. Granted, I have less than five grand in loans so far, so that would be ok, I could pay for those, but I'm not sure I could afford insurance on top of everything else (car, internet, phone, food, school, etc). So. What on earth do I do? I have about a grand to my name, at least once I pay for tuition for this semester, and TU is $7500 a semester, without room, board, books, food, anything. OU would cost me about $1500 in tuition, plus $2500-3000 in housing, plus food which is about $2500 yearly. I think I can afford that. Ok. So, I prolly can't go back to TU, and I can't go to OU, and going to TCC would be just plain pointless. Pretty much any class they'd offer I'd already be past. FUCK. I can't afford to not go to school during the spring, cause insurance costs, and I have to make sure I take at least 12 hours somewhere, so that means I prolly won't be able to work full-time, which means I won't have the time to save money. I guess I'm going to have to take like a five grand loan from TU, and then spend the summer working my ass off to try and afford OU, and then work during school at OU. God, I wish I had more time. Boy, once this whole thing is done, I wonder how much my brain is going to be worth. *sighs What a bad investment THAT is/was. I wish I hadn't fucked up TU. I mean, I didn't do horrible, I'm going to walk away with a GPA of above 3, but yeah, I fucked it up. I couldn't cut it. I know I have excuses, but they don't matter, I couldn't fucking cut it. Thats what it boils down to. God damn it, I used to be smart. I made a fucking 1510 on my SAT, and I can't even keep a 3.25 GPA. Yeah, I cuss a lot, especially when I'm pissed, and I'm PISSED. I'm pissed at the schools, I'm pissed at the world, and most of all, I'm pissed at ME.

Yeah, its 4am. I just got home from Norman, and my day with Kathrin. 11 hours. I spent 11 hours with her. And it was like I blinked or something. Then I had to come home. She makes me wonder, how on earth did I ever get so lucky? I told her this, I'm not sure she believed me, but I feel like I won the lottery or something. And not that skimpy scratch card lottery. We're talking powerball, $15million type stuff. Yeah. Lets see, points of note: Starbucks Caramel Frappucino= thumbs up. Overpriced Indian Food=thumbs down. OK, sleep time, worky worky in the morning. Er, later this morning...

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11-02-02

Wow. Apparently, I'm a pimp. I got four different phone numbers, a "you are HOTT" and even an "our waiter is freaking hott!" left on my tables tonight. Oh yeah, and a "call my sexy sister, here's her number." I found this rather funny, cause I would have killed for a night like tonight back in the day, but now I have no desire for any of these numbers. Threw them all out before I even left work. I just wish I could have gotten numbers like this back in high school, I probably would hate people a lot less than I do now :)

I'm going to OU tomorr.... er, today. I have movies, which means an excuse to put my arm around Kathrin, and still no more ideas about what else we're going to do tomorrow. I didn't get a single suggestion from any of y'all, so, for the record, you guys suck. Hopefully I'll come up with something, but I have no idea what there is to do in Norman. As far as I know, there is OU football and driving to OKC being listed as the main "tourist attractions." I dunno, I have a few ideas, I'll make something up. I just wish I had a hoodie sweatshirt to wear though. *sighs

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11-01-02

And here I thought I was going to bed. Instead I've been doing laundry and trying to find a hoodie sweatshirt. I need a sweatshirt. I have like one sweatshirt that looks good, and my favorite old hoodie sweatshirt is falling apart. I'm trying to decide what exactly I want in a sweatshirt. Ideally I would like a logo for something that very few people would recognize. Heh. Hence the reason I've been looking at PVP and Residence Life shirts, however neither one has a "hoody sweatshirt." The All-American Rejects don't offer a sweatshirt either. A hoody sweatshirt, for those of you who don't know, is similar to a normal sweatshirt, except a hood is attached to the back and it has a big pocket in the front for your hands on those cold days. This is the reason why hoodies rule. I know I don't want a shirt that says something common, like an Abercrombie & Fitch shirt. Due to high school, I still have an intense dislike for everything Abercrombie. And the Ford Mustang. If you went to Jenks you'd understand, otherwise its not worth explaining the "why" behind those comments. Oh, work stuff- Becca, why didn't you close tonight, dammit? Aaron O closed in your stead, and supposedly he has been told that he is now one of the permanent closers on Thursday, which means he has one of our jobs. Heh. I asked Brandon about this and he denied it, but I dunno how much I can trust him. Anyway, this job isn't nearly as much fun as it used to be, all the cool people are quitting. I suppose I really should work up the courage to turn in my two weeks, but the simple fact of it is that I make decent enough money the majority of the time. *shrugs. Ah, I have found a hoodie. This is a hoodie. Granted, this one is too expensive, and I don't really need to put the word on my chest for people to know I'm a geek, but this is the general idea. I hate buying clothes. Ah! By jove, I think I've got it! A hooded sweatshirt from reallifecomics, check it out. Meh, to be honest, that one's not all that cool either. Well, phooey. Ok, I've wasted enough time, gotta go finish the laundry.

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